Learning To See The Good

Apr 5, 2011 by Tatianna

 

We are always very critical of our selves.   Most of us have a really hard time to just stand back and seeing the whole picture  of  Beauty that we really posses.  Instead of seeing and loving the good, we pick our selves apart in the chase of perfection.  The sad reality of that is very real for many people.
There is nothing wrong with trying to improve and be the best we can be,   but when we pick at our selves so much, our flaws become our illusions. They hold our mind hostage. We get trapped by our insecurities. Because we focus on our flaws instead of embracing our beauty.

The other day I was watching TV and I saw this show about people who were addicted to loosing weight. And no matter how much weight they lost, they still felt fat.  When the producer asked them a question, ” How much weight do you have to loose to finally be happy?” – all of them had the same answer ” When I reach perfection “. This was just an example, there are other things we pick at besides of our outer shell.

What I learned in my life, is that people who are considered by masses as to be the most beautiful, are the people who are the most insecure as well.

One of my friends told me a long time ago, ” When I stand up close to the mirror, I always find something wrong with me, now I just step away from the mirror and look at the whole picture, and I love my self more than ever”.  At that time, all I could think of was, how far would I have to stand? Don’t fall off your chair laughing.   But that is exactly what I thought.   In my head I was thinking, why would I want to stand back, when I can change things up close.  I believed there will come a day, and I will not find anything wrong with me, if I only do this or that, I will be perfect.
As the time went on and things got better, I kept finding other things to add to my list.   I was pretty much obsessed with everything that I felt was wrong with me and my life. I just didn’t understand what it meant to step back.   I couldn’t focus on my good qualities because I just couldn’t let go of the bad one’s.   I also use to say this ridiculous quote all the time – ” There is no such thing as being Too Blond, Too Tan, or Too Skinny!” .   I didn’t appreciate the beauty of my light skin, the color of my dark blond hair or the muscle tone I had on my legs.  I went tanning every day so I can somehow perfect that unrealistic looking color to my skin, I bleached the hell out of my hair and I was trying to do everything I could to loose the muscle tone off my legs, so I could have the skinny chicken legs of my dreams.   And I thought I was doing a pretty good job at getting to my destination.

All of my friends were telling me that I was starting to look like a freaky cartoon.   I thought they were crazy, because all I saw was the image up close.  It was not as perfect as I thought I can be, but it was as close as I ever thought I got.

My wake up call came when one of my friends took a picture of me, and  pictures always reveal things about our selves that we can’t see with the naked eye.  I was shocked at what I saw, the girl staring back at me in that picture didn’t look like the perfection I imagined.   My skin was orange, my hair looked a ridiculous color of white, and the rest of me looked like a walking skeleton.  Slowly but painfully I opened my eyes.

It didn’t happen over night of course, but if I tell you the whole story you will get super bored reading it.   I stopped tanning ( which totally ruined my skin),  I stopped bleaching my hair since it began to fall out,  and I finally started stepping back, to find me who I lost.

Many years had passed since then.  I slowly started to see the things I never did before.  I finally learned to love the color of my skin, now I can’t even imagine  laying  in a tanning bed.   I started seeing my self  for who I really was.   Stepping back  and looking at a whole picture healed me in many different ways.   I just wish I could of done that earlier and saved my skin from the damage that I put it through ( with that I am still having my pity party from time to time ).

Learn to see the good and you will find perfect. Imperfections make us see our beauty.

Because we are all a beautiful imperfection.

What do you think?

Tatianna

PS – Check out all the Archives from My Diary

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